It’s been a while since I wrote something here. Yeah technically two weeks! I planned to update my blog once in a week when I started but unfortunately I was quite engrossed with last week’s works hassles and stuff. Guess I am very bad at time management.
Last Friday, 48 hours passed since New year’s eve, while all the living creatures in the house were still having a cozy sleep, I was travelling to my Office in a local bus. The Bus was not much crowded and I was ‘comfortrouble-ly’ placed in a window seat. I couldn’t help but I did curse them all for sleeping while I had to painfully get myself up and go to work. My state of mind was relatively calm because of all the good things that happened in the New year. I brought two tablets- one for my mom, one for my grandfather from my third month salary. Well my wallet became empty but I was smiling since I know I made both of them smile. (they didn’t quite expect this from me).
The story seems to be going rather peaceful right?
Thanks to my over-analyzing mind, it did found something to eat my brain for the rest of the time. The seats! It seems that they have included a new seat among the rows of seats so that only a little space is left as gap between two seats. And my knees were constantly in touch hitting the front seat. I did not mind this for awhile but after sometimes I heard a paranoid voice freaking inside my mind “What would happen if I had to sit hitting my knees every time I get into a bus like this? Will my joints become too weak? Perhaps this will lead me into getting Arthritis in my late 40’s. Maybe I should change my seat now or how about getting down and find another bus?” 😮
“Staahppit” said my other voice. “You do overthink a lot. You might get an Arthritis or not. A single incident like this has a very slim chance leading to that way. Even if that comes, you know you can find a way to face it”. It took 30 minutes to convince myself that I can actually continue my travel sitting on that seat.
This is just one example of thousand other similar thoughts running in my mind. If there are over thinkers like me I believe they can correlate to these situations very well.
Someone said to me that over-thinking is a sign of high intelligence in oneself. I burst out laughing! How flattering! They probably failed to read the fact that over-thinkers are the ones who can spoil a happy situations by themselves, who can get depressed very easily.
How do you differentiate between an over-thinking person and a normal-thinking person?
When someone says to a normal person that they are over thinking and that might deprive them of happiness and content in life, they might ponder over it for a while, shrugs it at the end going back to their usual routine. They might also accept it and try to ditch it. The common way would be you can see them hunting down the bookstores and buying books like ‘How to get rid of over-thinking and get infinite happiness within 30 days- A proven method of self help guide’
Our over thinkers, on the other hand, first try to figure out all the possible ways to prove them that they are really over thinking and deduce another 500 ways of how it affects their life. They may then try not to worry and just end up over-thinking why they over think and how to spot over-thinking in future and stop it and it goes on.
It took a hell a lot of time for me to figure out my freaking habit and try to bring a control to it. Yes It made me insecure because I would read my works 100 times before it is reviewed by others. And I would not get satisfied still. Starting this blog is one way of me breaking my habit of over-thinking. I try to keep my mind a bit open and write down all my thoughts not caring about my other voice that says that a person from a far corner of the world may read this by chance, would find a grammatical error and may file a complaint against me. Nowadays, I am aware and watch the endless battles of my own two voices inside the head, sometimes I create a third saint voice which would negotiate and bring peace to the other two voices. Or I whenever I recognize the patterns of me getting depressed because of over thinking, I try to relax, get myself engaged in some other things. I accept that I get sad only because I was thinking a lot over a period of time.
There also lies quite a danger that in the process of freeing my mind from over-thinking, I could actually be running away from facing my real problems. After all, it is my habit of over-thinking that gave me paranoia and nervousness but also made me stay alert on most important occasions. I am my own critic. Again I am torn.
A wise mind would know the difference between when to embrace over-thinking and when to run away from it. I dont strive to achieve the balance or ideal anymore. I would be better left going with the flow.