mindscreams

A Silence between two teardrops

As the reels of the car move forward, her memories were unfurling like a nuclear fission in all  possible directions. The air conditioner could seal off the blazing sun outside, Can the same be done to the thousands of volcanoes erupting inside?

The day eventually came, like a blow to the pride. She cannot cope up more. Only then she realized how strong she had been all along despite in reality such a weakling she is. Too fragile and delicate to the world she is in. Now standing at the end of the tether, She cannot pull the act without breaking apart further.

Sometimes she feels like there is an extreme dearth of kindness in her life. Noone knew the battles inside her mind. Wait, did she let anybody in? No. Now she witnesses her own demolition. She wont speak up. The tears welled up out of nowhere as the car slides along the road as smooth as it can. Her memories mocked it could travel 10 times faster than that. She could only rest her head on the windows. The momentary place of comfort. She heard a feeble voice speak up from inside.

“Ma, why did you do this to me? No doubt you care alot more than my silly mind would ever contemplate. But everything you do thinking the best for me only hurts like hell. Now your daughter is falling apart, dont you see? Ma, I do feel blessed to have you in my life but do I really deserve your care? Its not what I need. I hate to say that. I keep my mouth mum. In fact, I will never make you understand, I will never confuse you or worry you further. One day, I hope, one day, you might be able to see where you went wrong. Or why I am such a mess”

Only a mother could care while everyone does is pity you. She blocked her only option. And pitied upon is the last thing she would want in her life. Maybe she will feel better tomorrow. When she laughs over a joke to the friend hiding the dried tears on her cheeks, does she really feel happy? Even her mirror would hate her miserable acts.

There is an inexplicable tranquility in the hush of the moment in closing the eyes. And pretend it is okay when everything is not okay. Tackling the break of silence within. I wish she would stop trying to fit in, stop trying to be good enough for everyone and stop losing her own true self while veiling her emotions.

 

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