We get nostalgic at the most unexpected times. When I was digging through the playlists in my old mp3, I had that moment listening to Pink’s ‘Conversation with my 13 year old self’. Grabbed the old photos and I started relishing the photographed memories. How I wish I can relive those moments again! How I wish I know the things I now know! Here is what I got – This is a letter to my younger self 🙂
I saw you some minutes ago, in our dusty old family album from the loft. From the three months old you to the thirteen year old you, I know you. Same glistening eyes and an untainted smile. There is this wave of warm love and a knowing smile rushing through from my heart. Should you know that the future which you are anxious and feared about is a lot bigger than what your little head is dreaming of?
Oh, you have a question to ask me, Who am I? I am you. You are me. I am the 21 year old of You standing in front of you, my little girl. You cannot expect any ‘spoilers’ from the future because even at this stage of the life, I am still on the look out for what the future holds with the same perplexed state of mind of yours. What I can tell you is there is going to be lots of breaking, tearing apart moments but in the real sense it is moulding your tender heart to make it stronger, training your inner warrior more powerful to face this world. Know what steps does the soft clay go through before taking the shape of a beautiful pot? You are at that stage. For your information, you are going to be a pressed, squeezed, pulled and of course going to be rotated and twisted in a potter’s wheel. Want to be a better pot that is holding the right place in a beautiful palace? Then the process is going to be even more tougher.
But trust me, there are lots of moments to be enjoyed and cherished all along this journey. There is so much fun when you are whirling in the potters wheel, just close your eyes and feel the sheer force that is carving you. Enjoy the sunshine, you are getting tougher and you are not going to break easily.
Do not, under any circumstances, look for the validation of you from others. You will never get it and you dont have to. Meanwhile you will notice that you are not as weird as you think to be. Or you will come to know the ultimate truth that everyone is a little weird, a little special and a little blessed in their own ways, just like you. Be independent, learn to do your things on your own and stop trying to be a people pleaser. You are never going to settle down in a single place for too long as far as I know. You will always be that-new-kid in your schools, so dont expect stable relationships. People come and go. People who stay would alter. Learn to accept the change.
Be known that confrontation is better than holding down your anger. Dont let your bitterness implode within you making a permanent scar of your heart. I know you have a reason to be angry, you have got a lot of hatred for this world, but you are just a paranoid kid. Be assured that you will never feel lonely in this vast universe. Everyone around you is not for you but you always have someone at any point in your life to rely on. You have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to pinch your cheeks at right times but they dont belong to just one person. You will eventually learn to love everyone who is there for you. They are the manifestation of the Divine Presence which is always around you. Angels dont jump from the sky, People around you become angels for you at the right moments, treasure them.
Dear, I wish I can tell you more. I am still reading the pages of this never-ending novel called Life. Never miss a single page or we will lose the whole plot. A combination of Happiness, Tragedy, Surprise, Joy, Darkness is all what is making this novel interesting, fascinating and mysterious.
With Lots of Love,
A slightly older, bolder version of you.